'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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