she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
