I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I forget how to act sober
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
