Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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