Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize