Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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