Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
