At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
