we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
