Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
