why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
