I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
