I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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