you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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