Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
