Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
