Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
