so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
