i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
