I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
