She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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