dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
