listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
