u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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