Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
