Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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