i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
