did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
