just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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