I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
