Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
