drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
