I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
