Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
