Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
