OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
