I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
