I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
