3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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