i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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