..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
