Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
