I'm going to jail i love you
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
