She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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