we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
