Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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