Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
