grandma shit on top of the toilet
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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