Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
