I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
