She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
