I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
