Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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