My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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