my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
