i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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