I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
