I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
