I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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