I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize