My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
