And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
