I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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