Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
