Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just had sex on a roof
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
