I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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