i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
