i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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