OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
