I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Blood and glitter go together right?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you never un-have a 4some
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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