literally had 100 drinks last night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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