Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
