Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
