they need to just BURY HIM!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
